Entry: A-Whoo... To Your Bad Name November 19, 2007

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   It's not that 300 is a bad movie (it's so pompous that it's good), but it lends itself to a lot of memes and stuff that get stuck in your head.  Part of the complete breakfast is to munch on whatever is still edible in the kitchen or in the refrigerator, knowing that "tonight, we dine in Hell."  Or that in the army of life, you're not a soldier.  Or that you know of a lot of people that you would use as mortar for any given wall.  Or the warcry of Leonidas' army of 300 Spartan men: "A-whoo, a-whoo!"

   300 was the last movie I watched in a cinema, and it's good that I watched it because it fits me.  I'm a fan of mindless, one-dimensional gore in cinema: it's not like I spend idle days watching the films of Andrew Niccol and Ingmar Bergman.  Now if I trooped right now to SM to watch One More Chance, I would literally die of shame.  It's one thing to possess some knowledge of Filipino showbiz, but it's another thing to do one thing and then people you know will catch you there and think of another thing... like I'm a fan of John Lloyd Cruz or something.

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   Speaking of John Lloyd, I am very appreciative of his thespic talents.  He's a very good actor (OK, so he's not a very good singer).  I think of him as a modern-day Christopher de Leon: the reason why I'm very much anticipating the return of Maging Sino Ka Man is star power.  The kind of fame and talent that you wouldn't see in something like... uh, Zaido: Pulis Pangkalawakan.  Unfortunately, John Lloyd has to be addressed all too often as "Lloydie."

   In Twisted 3: Planet of the Twisted, Jessica Zafra writes that having a bad name poses a danger to your being taken seriously in the silver screen.  She uses Keempee de Leon as an example... and it sure as hell's a pretty good example.  "Keempee" not only sounds scatological, it's also reminds me of that old Kaypee shoe brand (which was then the competitor of World Balance... more on that in the next experiment).

   I think that if we ever have to take John Lloyd as a serious actor outside of being a matinee idol, he has to drop the "Lloydie" moniker.  Kris Aquino could rightly be blamed for that bad name, as if John Lloyd is bound for sugary cuteness for the rest of his life until he becomes the next Armando Goyena (that old guy in Yamashita: The Tiger's Treasure... way before Rustom Padilla admitted to being gay).

   Which brings to mind Dingdong Dantes.  The name "Dingdong" reminds me (and a lot of people) of a brand of assorted mixed-nuts snackage.  Worse, it's also a bad allusion to Electrolux salesmen back in the day, where they knock on your door, ring on your bell, and tap on your window too.  I hate to bring it up for fear of libel, but the name "Dingdong" lends itself to penises all too well.  Maybe that's the reason why Atty. Ricardo "Dong" Puno lost his 1998 Senate bid.  But that's just me: last time I checked, I did vote for Dong Puno.

   While Onemig Bondoc will never have a career in this world following the end of FLAMES because he has a rather bad name among others, you have to look at Zanjoe Marudo as another classic example in bad names.  What's up with the name "Zanjoe?"  It's a bit pornstar-ish, never mind that my personal impression of Zanjoe is that he would only look good on a particular angle.  Why can't we give him a new one?

   Horrible actors (in my own subjective, completely irrelevant view) like Victor Basa, Dennis Trillo, and Carlos Agassi have good names.  When it comes to womenfolk, though, give a girl a foreign-sounding name and she'll be your next sexy star: Maui Taylor, Angelica Jones, Diana Zubiri.  I take exception, however, to Keanna Reeves.


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